Serious and Funny Christmas Quotes

We Love Silver Christmas Trees

“Christmas is the day that holds all time together”
– Alexander Smith

“Marry an orphan: you’ll never have to spend boring holidays with the in-laws”
– George Carlin

“Ho Ho Ho”
– Santa Claus

“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas . . . perhaps . . . means a little bit more!”
– Doctor Seuss

“Christmas is a time when people of all religions get together to worship Jesus Christ”
– Bart Simpson, Philosopher

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington DC. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.”
– Jay Leno

“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.”
- Ellen DeGeneres

“It was called the...uh..."Santa Claus and his Old Lady Commune"; it was a real famous one up there, man. And they used to sit around and groove all the time, y'know.”
– Cheech Marin on the North Pole

“Mail your packages early so the post office can lost them in time for Christmas”
– Johnny Carson

"He who has not Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree." -
 Roy L. Smith

"I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys."
- Charles Dickens

"One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly."
- Andy Rooney

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."
- Charles Dickens

"Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish."
- Benny Hill